Mother's day.
Remember that day from childhood?
Silly, simple hand-made presents your mother never really
needed or used?
Stained, misspelled thank-you notes attached to the heap of
chocolate balls lying on a plate in the middle of the debris that used to be
your mother's kitchen?
It was silly, indeed. But nevertheless, it was your one
chance to meditate, even if it was just to a limited extent, on who makes it
all happen. Who enables you to have that "the whole world orbits around
me" perspective on life. To say thank you, and mean it. To acknowledge
what you have, and who gave it to you. In my opinion, it is very important to
learn how to do that when you're young.
I grew up. And became a mother. Only to find that Mother's
day disappeared. Has been cruelly taken away, never to come back. It was
replaced by this politically-correct, post-post-modern, meaningless creature of
"Family's day".
And now, instead of enthusiastic kids doing their best in
hand crafting, you find hectic parents led by their children anywhere they can
spend some money, buying a product or an experience, always designed for ages
up to 14, trying to figure out what it is exactly they are supposed to be
celebrating. In this consumerist society in which parents have to work too many
hours, in order to support their families, whom they get to spend too little
time with, and try to make up for that by wasting too much money on presents -
that's not really what we need. More of the same.
When trying to find out the reasons for the mysterious
abduction of Mother's day I came across two possible reasons:
One being the modern society in which gender roles are
pretty fluid and mobile, and are distributed much more equally between couples.
No place for Mother's day if she's not the main caretaker anymore.
Another reason is a change in modern family structure .Now
you can find families of all shapes and sizes and some of them don't include a
mother, at least not the biological one.
Well, what I suggest in order to adapt to the changes in the
traditional family structure, while keeping the focus of the day on the
caretakers, and not giving the kids another day to excercise their
egocentricity is as follows:
1. Keep Mother's day to mothers, and set another date for Father's
day. That way fathers will get acknowledged as well. And same-sex couples can
choose whether to celebrate on the day corresponding to both parents, or divide
them into more traditional family roles, regardless of their gender. Divorced
couples will then get the chance to celebrate with their children - each in his
or her turn.
2. Change Mother's day into "Parents' day", and
then both parents get their share of celebration, and everybody will be cherished
and happy.
And I'll finally get my share of a kitchen in ruin, and my
plate of chocolate balls!
What do you think?
Keren it's a great subject. I think that that phenomenon points at the changing values that the society goes through. To say thank you today and appropriate thinks that we have is,especially among children is less common. In my opinion, it's a result of borders that become blurry- Its has huge impact. the post is very interesting- thanks.
ReplyDeleteappreciate things*
DeleteThanks, Natali.
DeleteKeren,
ReplyDeleteI agree that it's an outrage that "Mother's Day" was taken from us as soon as we became mothers, and was replace with the politically correct "Family Day"... So I refused to accept it, and announced that in my house we're going to conservatively keep the mother day as well as grandma's day (same day)...
And' being a mother to only girls (and many of them ---5) all agreed, cause they understand that one day it'll be their turn, so being conservative is sometimes good.
Also, I'd like to recommend Tom Hodgkinson's "The Idle Parent (Why Less Means More When Raising Kids)" as a good source for family's well being... I found the Manifesto of the Idle Parent to be especially useful:
MANIFESTO OF THE IDLE PARENT
We reject the idea that parenting requires hard work;
We pledge to leave our children alone;
That should mean that they leave us alone, too;
We reject the rampant consumerism that invades children from the moment they are born;
We read them poetry and fantastic stories without morals;
We drink alcohol without guilt;
We reject the inner Puritan;
We fill the house with music and laughter;
We don't waste money on family days out and holidays;
We lie in bed for as long as possible;
We try not to interfere;
We push them into the garden and shut the door so that we can clean the house;
We both work as little as possible, particularly when the kids are small;
Time is more important than money;
Happy mess is better than miserable tidiness;
Down with school;
We fill the house with music and merriment!
Good luck ;-)
Thanks for your comment, Nira. And for the anarchistic manifesto. Gives some food for thought.
DeleteThe abduction of Mother's Day is not only criminal for mothers, its robbing the chance for children to appreciate their mother. If the day had become Parents Day that would have been the best solution because fathers need to be recognized as well. The problem with being overly politically correct is that you sometimes lose more than you gain.
ReplyDeleteIn my son's school, teachers have reverted to celebrating Mother's Day, feeling the loss themselves. One of the most memorable evenings was a Mother's Day evening at school. My son's teacher, Dubi, and the class worked on the event for a month. It was an amazing emotional evening that recognized us mothers with dignity and respect. No materialistic crap. Keren, great subject!!
Thanks, Lara. That sounds great. In my class I turned that day into Parent's day, and it took us a few days to prepare for it. It was wonderful, but then I got nothing at home...
Deletewhat a great topic to write about! as a mother I really enjoyed reading it/ I fully agree with number 1! I think it is the perfect susolution to give to each "role" (mother and father) a day and through that ,as you wrote, fathers will get acknowledged as well. thanks
ReplyDeleteThanks, Shirley. Have any idea how can we change that? (Who is in charge of setting these days anyway?!)
DeleteDear Keren, a lovely topic indeed. I totally relate to what you wrote, and to the comments of our group members. As a young mother I am upset that my children will not experience and this lovely day. I remember how my mother waited for this day. and now , in addition to all the other things I had as a child and no longer exists they will not know this day and its meaning. I also agree with the solutions you have offered.Acknowledgment to each parent!
ReplyDeleteI hope someone there hears you!
Thanks
Thanks Dikla. Israeli Mothers United in favor of Mother's day! Now how do we do that?
DeleteBriliant blog Keren! I liked the way it presented, the different reasons and solutions. I agree with every bit and byte!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Yaron Your wife would probably appreciate it if you arrange the kids to make something for her (and maybe she'll have them prepare something for you, and that would be perfect!)
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ReplyDelete